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Kathy Collard Miller
There’s something deep inside of us that
believes worry can change others. If someone we love has a different
perspective than we do, we worry. If someone we love has a different belief
about God, we worry. If someone we love has a character flaw, we worry. We just
know their wrong thinking will mess up their lives.
Some of these worries may truly seem
“worthy” of worry. Your mother may not know Christ as her Savior, and she has
cancer. Your son may be on the street taking drugs. Your friend may demonstrate
a lack of integrity at work. Another friend drives while intoxicated. You may
have tried to reason, cajole, quote Scripture, even manipulate each person into
changing their ideas and their behavior, but nothing has worked—not even
prayer. God hasn’t changed them either. You fear something bad, really bad, is
going to happen.
Even if it’s not a matter of something
really bad occurring, we can easily take responsibility for someone else’s
happiness and then respond in an unhealthy way. I recognized that possibility
as we walked through the grief process with my mother-in-law, Audrey.
My husband's parents, Don and Audrey,
were married for sixty-two years and in that time, Audrey was only alone
overnight for fewer than twenty nights—total. Even when Don was away during two
different wars, Audrey’s mother lived with her. Four or five months before Don
passed away, Audrey remarked to me, “If something happens to Don, I don’t know
if I can live alone.” Then about a month later she commented, “I’ve been
thinking about living alone and I think I can do it.” I was so proud of her.
The first night of Don’s
hospitalization, Audrey stayed in our home. The next day she surprised us with
her spunk, saying she wanted to return to her own home. I volunteered to spend
the night at her home, but she said, “No, I have to get used to it.” And she
did, even after Don died a week later.
But that doesn’t mean I didn't worried
about her loneliness. During the first two weeks we made sure she had something
to do with us every day. But realizing we couldn’t keep that up for long, I
wondered how she would cope.
In my prayer time I prayed verses for
Audrey dealing with the topic of loneliness. I began praying Psalm 146:9 for
her: “The LORD protects the strangers; He supports the fatherless and the
widow; But He thwarts the way of the wicked” (NASB). Unexpectedly, I thought, I
shouldn’t try to fill the place the Lord wants in her life.
Wow—that hit me hard. In my worry about
her loneliness, I had begun to feel responsible to make sure she wasn’t lonely.
I wrote in my journal: “I can try to be there too much and she could depend
upon me and/or Larry instead of looking to You, Lord. Help me, Father, to
resist the compulsion to ‘be there’ for her too much.”
When I told Larry about what the Lord
had revealed to me, I jokingly (but with some seriousness) quipped, “God
doesn’t want me to be your mom’s grief savior.” If I had continued to worry
about her, I could have easily become that. And I’d be good at it because I so
easily take responsibility for the happiness of others.
When I talked to Audrey later that day,
she enthusiastically said, “Guess what Chuck Swindoll talked about on his radio
program today?”
“What, Mom
Audrey?”
“Loneliness. It
really ministered to me.”
I laughed. God had come through. I
didn’t need to be in charge of making sure she wasn’t lonely. Of course, she’s
going to be lonely—she’s alone for the first time in her life. We certainly are
going to help her, but she should primarily look to God, not us. Otherwise,
she’ll draw too close to us and not closer to God.
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BOOK
SUMMARY AND BIOGRAPHY:
It is
possible to worry less through trusting God more. Regardless of the storms of
trials, temptations, worry, uncertainty, confusion, or regrets that you're
facing, you can trust God more. Partly Cloudy with Scattered Worries
offers a conversational style, personal testimonies, practical illustrations,
and solid biblical teaching for breaking anxiety and the devastating effects of
worry. Each chapter includes Discussion Questions for individuals or groups,
along with a “Letter from God.” In addition, a profile of a woman in the Bible
who struggled with or experienced victory over worry is featured in each
chapter to inspire every reader to see God's hand in her life.
Kathy
Collard Miller is a speaker and author. Her passion is to inspire women to
trust God more. She has spoken in 30 states and 7 foreign countries. Kathy has
49 published books including Women of the Bible: Smart Guide to the Bible (Thomas
Nelson) and she blogs at www.KathyCollardMiller.blogspot.com. Kathy lives in Southern
California with her husband of 43 years, Larry, and is the proud grandma of
Raphael. Kathy and Larry often speak together at marriage events and retreats.
(Note from Mary: Please leave a comment for a chance to win a free copy of Kathy's book. We will draw a name in one week!)
