Tuesday, January 13, 2015

I'm so pleased to have Kathy Collard Miller as my guest today. She is a wife, mom, speaker, prolific writer, and more. I first met Kathy more than ten years ago when I attended my first writers conference. I took her class on writing non-fiction and knew she was one special lady. You're going to love her, too.

Please leave a comment for a chance to win a free copy of Kathy's new book. You'll never ever be the same!

I Confess! Im a People Pleaser!
by Kathy Collard Miller

I confess! Im a People Pleaser! Im motivated to please others for a variety of reasons and one main one is thinking I should never say no. Why?
1.       What will they think of me if Im not the Super Woman who can say yes to everything?
2.       If I dont say yes, then Ill miss out on the fun!
3.       If I dont say yes, the opportunity wont get done to my standards!
4.       If I dont say yes, they might not ask me the next time.
5.  (Put in your own reasoning).
People Pleasing is all about depending upon the opinions of others for our approval, rather than God. We fear making other people unhappy with us or think poorly of us. So we strive to do everything we can to appease other people and promote ourselves as important, valuable, or whatever vow we've made to promote or protect ourselves.
There are many examples of People Pleasing in the Bible. The most known one may be when King Saul succumbed to this Strategy. His reaction is featured in 1 Samuel 13:8-14. Remember the story?
Saul was supposed to wait for Samuel to come so that the burnt offering could be given. But Saul saw the people scattering and he panicked. What did Saul fear that said about him? So Saul offered the sacrifice anyway. When Samuel showed up at the last minute, Saul knew he was in big trouble. Samuel asked, What have you done?
What was Sauls reasoning? When I saw that the people were scattering from me, and that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines had mustered at Michmash, I said, Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal, and I have not sought the favor of the Lord. So I forced myself, and offered the burnt offering.
Samuel saw the folly of Sauls reasoning and rebuked him. “…now your kingdom shall not continue. The Lord has sought out a man after his own heart, and the Lord has commanded him to be prince over his people, because you have not kept what the Lord commanded you.
Saul defends himself primarily giving the reason that the people were scattering. Could it be that he felt personally rejected by the people? Maybe them leaving meant they lacked confidence in him. As People Pleasers, thats not what we want to hear, see, or feel. We need to feel the approval and support of others.
What was God looking for? A man after God's own heart, but Saul's heart was all about himself and the approval of others.
Where can we all get the courage to choose Gods approval and not depend upon people's opinions?

Lay hold of God's promise, What can man do to me? (Heb. 13:6). God is the only one who will love us perfectly. Only he can provide unconditional love and approval because of the  robe of righteousness we wear because of Jesus' redemptive death.
Have a heart after God by identifying the source of our reactions. We can only be strengthened to obey and have God's perspective by identifying and healing the wounds that befall us that fueled our need for other peoples approval.
And thats the goal of our new book Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today. We offer the tools for identifying why I do what I do. And then having a heart change so that you can trust God more. Weve seen these tools strengthen us for increased obedience and joy. We hope youll join us in the quest for seeking Gods approval as our audience of one.
Kathy Collard Miller is the author of 50 books and has spoken in 31 states and 8 foreign countries. Kathy and her husband, Larry, have been married 44 years and he is a retired police lieutenant who also speaks and writes. Larry and Kathy speak often together and individually on a variety of topics. They live in Southern California, and have two grown children and one grandson. Visit them at www.LarryAndKathy.com and www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Never Ever Be the Same: A New You Starts Today (Leafwood Publishers) offers Christians hope that they can change their destructive patterns of behavior through identifying their sinful self-protective strategies and then being empowered to trust God instead. Their book includes biblical principles, insightful stories, and helpful instruction. It also provides discussion questions that can be used by individuals or groups.

Never Ever Be the Same is available at your local Christian bookstore and in both print and digital versions at:
CBD: http://bit.ly/1AuJZSX

Barnes and Noble: http://bit.ly/1BJz3lC


Anonymous said...

Excited to read Larry and Kathy's new book!

Jeanne Doyon said...

I have struggled with people pleasing my whole life too. Thanks for sharing this. I look forward to more of Kathy and Larry's insights

Steph Beth Nickel said...

Although I've never met the Millers in person, I consider Kathy a good friend. I am currently reading the e-version of "Never Ever Be the Same" and would love a physical copy. This book should be read slowly, pen in hand. It is truly life-transforming. Thank you for featuring this copy and their newest book.

Unknown said...

Thank you for making me aware of the Millers. Would really appreciate a copy of the book.

Unknown said...

Thank you for making me aware of the Millers. Would really appreciate a copy of the book.

Kathy Collard Miller said...

also put in Mary Ann Hake who couldn't get the comment to work.

Mary Englund Murphy said...

My granddaughter Melanie drew the name for our winner of Kathy's new book. Congratulations, Mike Work, and thank you for leaving a comment. We included names from the comments left on the blog as well as those left on the Facebook announcements.