I'm so pleased to have Kathy Collard Miller as my guest today. She is a wife, mom, speaker, prolific writer, and more. I first met Kathy more than ten years ago when I attended my first writers conference. I took her class on writing non-fiction and knew she was one special lady. You're going to love her, too.Please leave a comment for a chance to win a free copy of Kathy's new book. You'll never ever be the same!
I Confess! I’m a People Pleaser!
by Kathy Collard Miller
I confess! I’m a People Pleaser! I’m motivated to please others for a variety of reasons
and one main one is thinking I should never say “no.” Why?
1.
What will they
think of me if I’m not the Super Woman who can say “yes” to everything?
2.
If I don’t say “yes,” then I’ll miss out on the fun!
3.
If I don’t say “yes,” the opportunity won’t get done to my standards!
4.
If I don’t say “yes,” they might not ask me the next time.
5. (Put in your
own reasoning).
People Pleasing is all about depending upon the opinions
of others for our approval, rather than God. We fear making other people
unhappy with us or think poorly of us. So we strive to do everything we can to
appease other people and promote ourselves as important, valuable, or whatever
vow we've made to promote or protect ourselves.
There are many examples of People Pleasing in the Bible.
The most known one may be when King Saul succumbed to this Strategy. His
reaction is featured in 1 Samuel 13:8-14. Remember the story?
Saul was supposed to wait for Samuel to come so that the
burnt offering could be given. But Saul saw the people scattering and he
panicked. What did Saul fear that said about him? So Saul offered the sacrifice
anyway. When Samuel showed up at the last minute, Saul knew he was in big
trouble. Samuel asked, “What have you done?”
What was Saul’s reasoning? “When I saw that the people were scattering from me, and
that you did not come within the days appointed, and that the Philistines had
mustered at Michmash, I said, ‘Now the Philistines will come down against me at Gilgal,
and I have not sought the favor of the Lord.’ So I forced myself, and offered the burnt offering.”
Samuel saw the folly of Saul’s reasoning and
rebuked him. “…now your kingdom shall not continue. The Lord
has sought out a man after his own heart, and the Lord has commanded him to be prince over his people, because
you have not kept what the Lord
commanded you.”
Saul defends himself primarily giving the reason that
the people were scattering. Could it be that he felt personally rejected by the
people? Maybe them leaving meant they lacked confidence in him. As People
Pleasers, that’s not what we want to hear, see, or feel. We need to feel the approval
and support of others.
What was God looking for? A man after God's own heart,
but Saul's heart was all about himself and the approval of others.
Where can we all get the courage to choose God’s approval and
not depend upon people's opinions?
Lay hold of God's promise, “What can man do to me?” (Heb. 13:6). God is the only
one who will love us perfectly. Only he can provide unconditional love and
approval because of the “robe of
righteousness”
we wear because of Jesus' redemptive death.
Have a heart after God by identifying the source of our
reactions. We can only be
strengthened to obey and have God's perspective by identifying and healing the
wounds that befall us that fueled our need for other people’s approval.
And that’s the goal of our new book Never Ever Be the Same: A
New You Starts Today. We offer the tools for identifying “why I do what I
do.” And then having a heart change so that you can trust God
more. We’ve seen these
tools strengthen us for increased obedience and joy. We hope you’ll join us in
the quest for seeking God’s approval as our “audience of one.”
Kathy Collard
Miller is the author of 50 books and has spoken in 31 states and 8 foreign
countries. Kathy and her husband, Larry, have been married 44 years and he is a
retired police lieutenant who also speaks and writes. Larry and Kathy speak
often together and individually on a variety of topics. They live in Southern
California, and have two grown children and one grandson. Visit them at www.LarryAndKathy.com
and www.KathyCollardMiller.com.
Never Ever Be the
Same: A New You Starts Today (Leafwood
Publishers) offers Christians hope that they can change their destructive
patterns of behavior through identifying their sinful self-protective
strategies and then being empowered to trust God instead. Their book includes
biblical principles, insightful stories, and helpful instruction. It also
provides discussion questions that can be used by individuals or groups.
Never Ever Be the
Same
is available at your local Christian bookstore and in both print and digital
versions at:
CBD: http://bit.ly/1AuJZSX
Barnes and Noble: http://bit.ly/1BJz3lC
7 comments:
Excited to read Larry and Kathy's new book!
I have struggled with people pleasing my whole life too. Thanks for sharing this. I look forward to more of Kathy and Larry's insights
Although I've never met the Millers in person, I consider Kathy a good friend. I am currently reading the e-version of "Never Ever Be the Same" and would love a physical copy. This book should be read slowly, pen in hand. It is truly life-transforming. Thank you for featuring this copy and their newest book.
Thank you for making me aware of the Millers. Would really appreciate a copy of the book.
Thank you for making me aware of the Millers. Would really appreciate a copy of the book.
also put in Mary Ann Hake who couldn't get the comment to work.
My granddaughter Melanie drew the name for our winner of Kathy's new book. Congratulations, Mike Work, and thank you for leaving a comment. We included names from the comments left on the blog as well as those left on the Facebook announcements.
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